Category: The Unknown and The Unexpected

     When I was about 5 years old my family moved out of the small town of Eagar Arizona and relocated about 25 miles north to Richville; the Wiltbank family ranch. I remember at night I would lay in my freshly painted purple room and listen to the sounds outside. In the summer I would listen to the crickets and be so annoyed with their loud chirping. I remember during monsoon season the rain would drip down from the roof and land on the stones beneath my bedroom window; it sounded a lot like horse hooves walking on cement. In the spring after we would round the cows up and brand them I could hear the concerned mother cows mooing for their lost babies. But there is one sound that terrified me! The coyotes; they would howl in the night and it sounded like they were right outside my window. In my over active 5 year old imagination I would picture these big mean dogs and I just knew that they were ready to claw down the door and come and eat me and my family. And it paralyzed me! I was so afraid that I would sing primary songs to calm myself down. Along with coyotes I was afraid of snakes, funerals, teenagers, and the fear of staying young forever (little did I know that I would long to go back to simpler days).

     As I grew older I learned that there is no possible way that a coyote would be able to claw down my door. I learned that they are probably more afraid of us humans than we should be of them. After I learned that, I started to appreciate their late night howling. It became beautiful. 

     These days I have other fears. I have a fear of car wrecks, debt, and cancer. In my 21 year old single college girl mind I fear of being single for life and never having children. I fear that a close family member or friend will pass away unexpectedly. I fear that I have chosen the wrong thing to study and that I will never truly discover my calling in life. I fear that I will never be able to see Taylor Swift in concert because her tickets always sell out too fast. 

    Most of my fears have to do with the future. I fear the unknown and unexpected. I fear things that are out of my control. Sometimes I think so much about these "could be" scenarios that I become paralyzed. I literally stop living in the present and instead live for the fear of the future. I take too long to make decisions and I over analyze everything. People, this is a stressful way of living!

Do you know what fear is? Fear is darkness. Once you have invited it into your life there is no space for the light.  Fear is the absence of faith. 

     "Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" (Ether 12:6).

    I've been thinking a lot about what life would be like without hope. Without the hope that one day I will travel the world and take beautiful photos. Or hope that one day I will hold a beautiful baby in my arms that is all mine. Or the hope that one day I am going to be front row to a Taylor Swift concert. Or hope that I will one day go back to Italy. The hope that one day I will again be with my Father in Heaven. It's beautiful and exciting, the future is. 

    Although I have all of these fears of the future, I also have all of these dreams for the future! Both are categorized under "The Unknown and The Unexpected". The difference of a lifetime is where we decided to live; in fear or in faith?