My heart longs for adventure!
I dream of going back to Italy and roaming the streets with my camera. I want to capture the emotion of the group of old men sitting in the piazza playing cards, their laughs and hand gestures. If you have ever looked into the eyes of a gypsie child, you know that they have a special look; even through their dirty rough faces, you can see they are longing for something. I want to go to a pizzeria and catch a beautiful action shot of the dough in the air or the bright tomato sauce being artistically painted on the crust.
I want to live on the beach for a month.
I want to take an internship on the east coast and live there for a year or so.
I want to go to Africa and dress up in a beautiful African gown and dance the night away!
I want to take a risk and drop out of school and take pictures full time.
I don't want to stay in a place too long, I love the idea of changing things up every 3 years or so.
And you can't forget the classics, skydiving, bungee jumping, white water rafting, etc.
But my heart also longs for stability.
I want to fall in love and get married.
I want to be a mother and teach my children the beauties in life.
I want to graduate from college. I would like to study in business and photography. But I also want to take random classes on the way; pottery, astrology, and personal finance.
I want to be close to my family and spend time with them.
I want to be part of something amazing, and we all know that amazing things take time.
My heart is torn in two directions; adventure vs. stability. I will let you all know when I decide which way to go.
Friday, March 27, 2015
Friday, March 20, 2015
The Power of Change
The Bible dictionary defines repentance as “a change of mind, a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world”. This view of repentance gives me a completely different outlook on life in general. I imagine it as piece of art that is hung on the wall in your home; you see it every day and know exactly what is painted on the canvas. One day a friend comes over to visit and points out something new, something you had never noticed before. Suddenly the painting means something different to you. This new view doesn’t take away the meaning you once found, it simply adds to the beauty. Change of perspective is empowering and in order to tap into that power we must learn the importance of communication with ourselves and with others.
In a speech given by Sherry Turkle she speaks about our society’s great dependence on technology. From breakfast, class, in the car, and even time in the restroom, our phones are sending us little vibrated notifications that let us know that we are remembered by someone somewhere in the world. We have developed this idea of never being alone, even when we are by ourselves. We have created a worldwide support system. But we have also started to lose the beauty in silence; the wonder that is discovered in seclusion.
You all know how much I love a good train ride. It has become a time for self-reflection and deep pondering. Some of my most inspiring and spiritual moments have been while gazing out the window of a train rolling through the countryside. My mind starts to wonder as I think about life; past, present, and future. I reflect on the lessons that I have learned. I dream about my future and imagine how much potential I have to do something amazing. I have started carrying my journal with me. I write down all of these inspiring thoughts that pass through my mind. Writing in my journal has become a way of conversing with myself, a way that doesn’t make me seem crazy. As I record these words my mind becomes enlightened and I start to see the big picture. Just like that piece of art hanging on my wall, the time I spend writing in my journal is my way of studying the art and discovering the meaning it has to me.
In the speech mention above, Sherry explains, "You end up isolated if you don't cultivate the capacity for solitude, the ability to be separate, to gather yourself. Solitude is where you find yourself so that you can reach out to other people and form real attachments. When we don't have the capacity for solitude, we turn to other people in order to feel less anxious or in order to feel alive. When this happens, we're not able to appreciate who they are. It's as though we're using them as spare parts to support our fragile sense of self. We slip into thinking that always being connected is going to make us feel less alone. But we're at risk, because actually it's the opposite that's true. If we're not able to be alone, we're going to be more lonely". If we never take the time to realize the beauty of the art for ourselves, we would never fully appreciate the beauty that others find in the same piece.
So you have studied the picture and you have concluded that there is a duck painted on the canvas hanging on your wall. You have come to realize and appreciate the beauty of this duck, so you have invited a friend over to admire it also. The friend comes in and says “what beautiful rabbit”! They begin to point out the ear on the far left and how the mouth comes out in the far right. After a few minutes of studying you begin to see. You start to see the beauty of the art through another’s eyes and then something amazing happens; it becomes even more beautiful. Your mind starts to be enlightened and your view of the painting that you have studied for months has been forever changed.
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In a speech given at Brigham Young University Amy Jenson said "The best conversations that we have often become moments of private repentance, because it is often during conversations that we change our minds, find a new path, or decide to do better” . Conversations with others are so incredibly crucial in our quest for change. That which we learn from others truly liberates us, setting us free from our own pre-conceived perceptions. We receive lessons that are the guide posts on our journey through repentance. Without the views and opinions of others we would forever be stuck on the side of the road and forced to look at the same tree on the other side of the street; never gaining the opportunity to see the forest a few blocks down.
The world is full of different perspectives, each bringing something new and incredible to the picture. I’ve learned that if I truly want to understand the different perspectives of the world I must first understand myself. I’ve started to see how destructive technology can be in my life. It not only distracts me when I am with others, but it is also an easy form of personal entertainment, preventing me from letting my mind entertain myself. I’ve made it a personal goal to choose when, where, and how technology can enhance my conversations rather than destroy them.
Conversations catalyze change. Meaningful conversations with ourselves, paint a beautiful picture; meaningful conversations with others, expand our horizons. Change of perspective is empowering and in order to tap into that power we must learn the importance of communication with ourselves and with others; the combination of which can truly change the world.
In a speech given by Sherry Turkle she speaks about our society’s great dependence on technology. From breakfast, class, in the car, and even time in the restroom, our phones are sending us little vibrated notifications that let us know that we are remembered by someone somewhere in the world. We have developed this idea of never being alone, even when we are by ourselves. We have created a worldwide support system. But we have also started to lose the beauty in silence; the wonder that is discovered in seclusion.
You all know how much I love a good train ride. It has become a time for self-reflection and deep pondering. Some of my most inspiring and spiritual moments have been while gazing out the window of a train rolling through the countryside. My mind starts to wonder as I think about life; past, present, and future. I reflect on the lessons that I have learned. I dream about my future and imagine how much potential I have to do something amazing. I have started carrying my journal with me. I write down all of these inspiring thoughts that pass through my mind. Writing in my journal has become a way of conversing with myself, a way that doesn’t make me seem crazy. As I record these words my mind becomes enlightened and I start to see the big picture. Just like that piece of art hanging on my wall, the time I spend writing in my journal is my way of studying the art and discovering the meaning it has to me.
In the speech mention above, Sherry explains, "You end up isolated if you don't cultivate the capacity for solitude, the ability to be separate, to gather yourself. Solitude is where you find yourself so that you can reach out to other people and form real attachments. When we don't have the capacity for solitude, we turn to other people in order to feel less anxious or in order to feel alive. When this happens, we're not able to appreciate who they are. It's as though we're using them as spare parts to support our fragile sense of self. We slip into thinking that always being connected is going to make us feel less alone. But we're at risk, because actually it's the opposite that's true. If we're not able to be alone, we're going to be more lonely". If we never take the time to realize the beauty of the art for ourselves, we would never fully appreciate the beauty that others find in the same piece.
So you have studied the picture and you have concluded that there is a duck painted on the canvas hanging on your wall. You have come to realize and appreciate the beauty of this duck, so you have invited a friend over to admire it also. The friend comes in and says “what beautiful rabbit”! They begin to point out the ear on the far left and how the mouth comes out in the far right. After a few minutes of studying you begin to see. You start to see the beauty of the art through another’s eyes and then something amazing happens; it becomes even more beautiful. Your mind starts to be enlightened and your view of the painting that you have studied for months has been forever changed.
In a speech given at Brigham Young University Amy Jenson said "The best conversations that we have often become moments of private repentance, because it is often during conversations that we change our minds, find a new path, or decide to do better” . Conversations with others are so incredibly crucial in our quest for change. That which we learn from others truly liberates us, setting us free from our own pre-conceived perceptions. We receive lessons that are the guide posts on our journey through repentance. Without the views and opinions of others we would forever be stuck on the side of the road and forced to look at the same tree on the other side of the street; never gaining the opportunity to see the forest a few blocks down.
The world is full of different perspectives, each bringing something new and incredible to the picture. I’ve learned that if I truly want to understand the different perspectives of the world I must first understand myself. I’ve started to see how destructive technology can be in my life. It not only distracts me when I am with others, but it is also an easy form of personal entertainment, preventing me from letting my mind entertain myself. I’ve made it a personal goal to choose when, where, and how technology can enhance my conversations rather than destroy them.
Conversations catalyze change. Meaningful conversations with ourselves, paint a beautiful picture; meaningful conversations with others, expand our horizons. Change of perspective is empowering and in order to tap into that power we must learn the importance of communication with ourselves and with others; the combination of which can truly change the world.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Beauty in the Broken Soul
In my eyes, the most beautiful thing that God created were spirits. I wonder how much time it took him. I wonder what sorts of material went into creating something that is so intangible.
I love when people reveal their true spirits. Not only do you see them in a more intimate way, but it's almost like seeing a little piece of God.
This week I have been thinking a lot about how each person has a story to tell. If you pay close enough attention you can read it just by looking at them. You can see in their eyes. You can see it in the way they fidget with their hands. You can see it in their posture and in the way they hang their head; high or low. There are so many emotions that we experience.
I remember many instances as a teenager getting into trouble because I didn't hear something my parents told me. They called it "selective hearing". They would recount to me that they had asked to do the dishes yesterday and I even responded and said "okay", but for some reason I just could not remember ever hearing that!
My mom has a sister that always gets teased because she has a selective memory. All of the sisters will be telling stories; "remember that one time..." and she regularly says "I don't remember that!".
I think sometimes we have selective emotions. We choose to only feel a certain way. For some they battle every sad feeling, medicating it like a disease. There are some that choose to not feel happiness; shooing it away like a pestering cat. But when we do either of the two we are truly missing out on the beauty of life.
Do you remember when Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden? There were two different fruits; the forbidden fruit and the fruit of the tree of life. One was bitter and one was sweet. But without one, we could never have truly understood the taste of the other; without the opposition we would be left in a state of innocence. We would never be able to see the beauty of life.
I think there is beauty is tragedy. There is beauty is sadness and heart ache. There is beauty in every broken soul.
I love when people reveal their true spirits. Not only do you see them in a more intimate way, but it's almost like seeing a little piece of God.
This week I have been thinking a lot about how each person has a story to tell. If you pay close enough attention you can read it just by looking at them. You can see in their eyes. You can see it in the way they fidget with their hands. You can see it in their posture and in the way they hang their head; high or low. There are so many emotions that we experience.
I remember many instances as a teenager getting into trouble because I didn't hear something my parents told me. They called it "selective hearing". They would recount to me that they had asked to do the dishes yesterday and I even responded and said "okay", but for some reason I just could not remember ever hearing that!
My mom has a sister that always gets teased because she has a selective memory. All of the sisters will be telling stories; "remember that one time..." and she regularly says "I don't remember that!".
I think sometimes we have selective emotions. We choose to only feel a certain way. For some they battle every sad feeling, medicating it like a disease. There are some that choose to not feel happiness; shooing it away like a pestering cat. But when we do either of the two we are truly missing out on the beauty of life.
Do you remember when Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden? There were two different fruits; the forbidden fruit and the fruit of the tree of life. One was bitter and one was sweet. But without one, we could never have truly understood the taste of the other; without the opposition we would be left in a state of innocence. We would never be able to see the beauty of life.
I think there is beauty is tragedy. There is beauty is sadness and heart ache. There is beauty in every broken soul.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Category: The Unknown and The Unexpected
When I was about 5 years old my family moved out of the small town of Eagar Arizona and relocated about 25 miles north to Richville; the Wiltbank family ranch. I remember at night I would lay in my freshly painted purple room and listen to the sounds outside. In the summer I would listen to the crickets and be so annoyed with their loud chirping. I remember during monsoon season the rain would drip down from the roof and land on the stones beneath my bedroom window; it sounded a lot like horse hooves walking on cement. In the spring after we would round the cows up and brand them I could hear the concerned mother cows mooing for their lost babies. But there is one sound that terrified me! The coyotes; they would howl in the night and it sounded like they were right outside my window. In my over active 5 year old imagination I would picture these big mean dogs and I just knew that they were ready to claw down the door and come and eat me and my family. And it paralyzed me! I was so afraid that I would sing primary songs to calm myself down. Along with coyotes I was afraid of snakes, funerals, teenagers, and the fear of staying young forever (little did I know that I would long to go back to simpler days).
As I grew older I learned that there is no possible way that a coyote would be able to claw down my door. I learned that they are probably more afraid of us humans than we should be of them. After I learned that, I started to appreciate their late night howling. It became beautiful.
These days I have other fears. I have a fear of car wrecks, debt, and cancer. In my 21 year old single college girl mind I fear of being single for life and never having children. I fear that a close family member or friend will pass away unexpectedly. I fear that I have chosen the wrong thing to study and that I will never truly discover my calling in life. I fear that I will never be able to see Taylor Swift in concert because her tickets always sell out too fast.
Most of my fears have to do with the future. I fear the unknown and unexpected. I fear things that are out of my control. Sometimes I think so much about these "could be" scenarios that I become paralyzed. I literally stop living in the present and instead live for the fear of the future. I take too long to make decisions and I over analyze everything. People, this is a stressful way of living!
Do you know what fear is? Fear is darkness. Once you have invited it into your life there is no space for the light. Fear is the absence of faith.
"Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" (Ether 12:6).
I've been thinking a lot about what life would be like without hope. Without the hope that one day I will travel the world and take beautiful photos. Or hope that one day I will hold a beautiful baby in my arms that is all mine. Or the hope that one day I am going to be front row to a Taylor Swift concert. Or hope that I will one day go back to Italy. The hope that one day I will again be with my Father in Heaven. It's beautiful and exciting, the future is.
Although I have all of these fears of the future, I also have all of these dreams for the future! Both are categorized under "The Unknown and The Unexpected". The difference of a lifetime is where we decided to live; in fear or in faith?
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